The Miracles in the Mess

Day 332, April 24, 2018

You might be going through one of the hardest seasons in your life right now…maybe you’ve heard back from the doctor’s office and are wondering what the future holds for you and the ones you hold dear…or maybe you’ve lost a job and don’t see how God is going to provide for you and your family.  Perhaps, you are experiencing the loss of a loved one or perhaps you are frustrated with where you are in this season of life…you feel hopeless, broken, beaten down and tired….you feel as if God is picking on you and you feel the sting of bitterness growing slowly because things are not working out the way that you wanted it to…whatever you may be going through right now, I want you to trust that there is a reason and there is hope…

Seriously?!? Just shut it you glass-is-half-full-crazy-lady….

WAIT! Before you roll your eyes at me…there’s a reason why you clicked on this post…so bear with me..even if it’s just for a little bit…give me a few minutes before you go back to your pity party…

Many of you know that last Sunday, I was given the opportunity to give my testimony at church (click here to watch it).  It’s funny, because I thought that 10-15 minutes was a long time to be talking in front of people until I actually got up there and then I wished I had a little longer because God had so much to tell the people who were there.  I hope that if you were there, that you were able to take something away from that service…

If you weren’t able to make it, then I want to share with you now of what I think God wants you to hear…If you did go, then here’s the rest of what I need to say…

Suffering of any kind…physical, mental, spiritual, emotional…SUCKS.

NO ONE likes to go through hardship…but the Word tells us:

“Here on earth, you will have many trials and sorrows…” -John 16:33

It doesn’t say, you will go through one trial and then you are good for the rest of your life…it says there will be many…It doesn’t say you might have sorrows…it says you will have them….and there’s nothing you can do…no extra prayers to send up…no extra amount of volunteering to lessen how much is coming (although if you volunteer for our Kid’s Ministry..maybe…just kidding!)….no cave that you can crawl into to avoid it….its coming…

The Word continues the above verse:

“But, take heart, because I have overcome the world…”

When you take something to heart, you are supposed to be encouraged by it..not dismayed or depressed…

Still not clicking with me, Pollyanna…

GOD IS NOT PICKING ON YOU

GOD HAS PICKED YOU FOR A PURPOSE

Elliot Quote

What Suffering Does:

  • Suffering produces intimacy with God.  Job 42:5 tells us, “My ears had heard of you, but now my eyes have seen you.”  Sometimes it is when life has brought us to our knees and we are the most broken that we can finally see Him…see that He hasn’t abandoned you…but that he has been there beside you the whole time…waiting for your vision to clear for you to finally call to Him.
  • Suffering equips us to comfort others.  2 Corinthians 1:3-5 reads, “Praise be to the God and Father…the God of all comfort, who comforts us in our troubles, so we can comfort those in any trouble.”  When we experience hurt, we develop compassion for others who are hurting and it allows us to minister to them more effectively.
  • Suffering refines us.  Hardship and trials have a way of bringing our strengths and weaknesses to the surface.  We learn that we are able to overcome the unimaginable and we also learn the areas we need help with.  Isaiah 48:10 reads, “See, I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.”  Suffering is uncomfortable…but God is more concerned with our condition than our comfort…your hard season feels like it is never-ending in the midst of it…but God can work a miracle in trying to transform and purify you because He would rather you be uncomfortable for a little while so that you can be comfortable with Him for eternity.
  • Suffering produces growth.  James 1:2-3 tells us to “consider it pure joy” when we face trouble…he tells us to seek joy knowing that God will prove himself and make His promises real to you again…which tells us that it will be worth…all of the pain and hurt and crappiness (not sure that’s a really word….) all of it…will be worth it…When we turn to God in our pain, he can use it to mature our faith.

God can do some of His best work in and through you when you are in the midst of crisis…but you need to seek Him!

Psalm 37:4 tells us:

“Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.”

How are you supposed to take delight in the Lord when the suffering sucks?  Oh friend, I know it does… In the message on Sunday, we heard the story of the woman who had been suffering for 12 years…for 12 years she found no relief and was outcast and seen as unclean.  She had spent all her energy, time, and money trying to figure out what was wrong and still received no relief…and then one morning she heard about this healer passing through her area and when she reached for Jesus’ tassel she was immediately healed.  Jesus tells her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well.” (Luke 8:48)

This woman desired to be physically healed. A desire is something you are committed to pursue…something you want with so much focus and dedication that you are willing to do whatever it takes to receive it…

The translation of the word “well” into Greek is “sozo” – interestingly enough, “sozo” also means “saved”, “delivered” “protected” and also “whole”…sometimes the miracle is not just to make you physically well…but to make you whole…by healing you in ways that you didn’t even realize needed to be healed…

When we turn to Him, we start to see a shift in the desires of our heart……is your desire to just fix the temporary so you are no longer uncomfortable? God can and wants to work a miracle in the middle of your mess…to make you whole…

The Fight Within…

Day 327, Thursday, April 19, 2018

There’s an old Cherokee story that goes like this:

A young boy tells his grandfather, “A fight is going on inside me….”

And his grandfather responds, “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil–he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”

He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you–and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf will win?”

The grandfather simply replied, “The one you choose to feed.”

 


 

In the months where I was hiding away and trying to be “low-key”, my church leader, Pastor Ryan had approached me and had asked me if I was willing to share again like I did last year when I was first diagnosed.  And so I said yes with a smile on my face but with my internal voices screaming:

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

And as the months went by, I thought:

Whew! That was a close one..he forgot!
So let’s not mention that again…

God knew…
He NEVER forgets.

11 days ago, I asked you to pray for me – specifically and purposefully – that God reveal to me the HOW I am supposed to do what He is asking me to do…and so without missing a beat God answered: I have been asked to share briefly my testimony as our church family delves into our next series on “Miracles” this Sunday, April 22.

Even now as I type and think about speaking in front of people, my hearts starts to race and my palms start to get sweaty…

I hear the old voices in my mind saying, “You are not ready…you are fooling yourself…you should wait a little longer before moving forward…the short time that you’ll be up there will seem like an eternity…plenty of time for you to mess up the words that you are supposed to deliver…”

I refuse to feed that wolf…and I choose instead to follow the call that He is giving…and I choose to drown out the sounds of inferiority, lies, and anxiety with Zach William’s song “Fear Is a Liar”.

I started purposefully praying about this Sunday this last Monday…and every day since then I have prayed deeply and fervently for God to lead me…and the deeper in prayer I soak and the deeper into the Word I dive…the more loudly and clearly I can feel and see His hand on all of this.

I have an overwhelming, powerful and inexplicable emotional feeling of fullness in me…and its so powerful that I can feel it shaking me to my core like a constant electric surge…like a vibration the starts in my heart and spreads throughout me…an absolute and unquestionable confirmation that I am finally moving without hesitation in the direction He has been wanting me to go…and I feel Him saying to me:

Yes, daughter, YES…
FINALLY, you are listening
FINALLY, you are trusting
THIS is the purpose for all this

And also another message from Him that I have yet to process:

This is just the START of what I want you to do for Me…

Will you allow me to share my heart with you and God’s message to you in person this Sunday? Even if Impact isn’t your home church, will you visit with me, just for the day if you can?  I loathe speaking in front of a crowd and it would be comforting for me to see familiar faces in the crowd…for you to hear what He wants to say to you through me…so you can share it with someone who may need it…or maybe bring someone that you know who might need it….

I would so love to pray with you,  over you and connect with you….and to see you in person so I can thank you for being with us during the last year!

Join Me on Sunday

 

 

Called Out of Comfort

Day 316, Sunday, April 8, 2018

“Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and that I should bring the children of Israel out of Egypt?” – Exodus 3:11

This is the question that Moses asked of God…”Who am I God?” Moses didn’t jump at the opportunity to do as God asked…Moses – like we often are…was doubtful of himself and extremely insecure…

The word transparency has been on my mind since last night…so you’ll have to forgive me if this next post doesn’t flow well or make sense…but I need to be transparent with you right now…

The last few months, I have been laying low for a few different reasons – trying to get back to my new normal after all the treatments ended has been hard…harder than I’ve been letting on…trying to adjust to my body that is now cancer-free but has been ravaged by toxins and steroids..extra weight..abnormal hormone levels…lungs that still struggle to take a deep breath after only a few minutes of exercise…

While everyone sees my hair growing back and me running around at work, getting back into training and working in Kid’s ministry…what anyone rarely sees is that sometimes I still get light headed climbing from the bottom of our stairs to the top…or that sometimes in the morning I get so frustrated trying to get dressed for work because nothing fits me anymore and so I’m often late for work because I have to collect myself after crying and throwing myself a pity party…few people know that I can’t stand to look at pictures of myself right now…few people know that that I consistently and constantly HAVE to remind myself that I BEAT cancer and that my body has been through hell and its going to take YEARS before everything really works out of my system.

The recovery becomes less physical and then you are left dealing with the mental healing that needs to happen…every day is a battle with the Enemy who is trying to convince me that I am damaged, forgotten and rejected…that no one cares anymore because technically I’m not sick anymore and everyone has moved on…I don’t have it together all the time and I often have to fight to keep my old acquaintances depression and anxiety at bay – because every day they loom over me ready to sink their claws in me and drag me down the dark rabbit hole.

Another reason I have been laying low is because I’ve been trying to avoid what I think God is asking of me now… It wasn’t until a few weeks ago at my Women’s Bible Study that I felt like God was smacking me right on the forehead and shaking me to the core…in our study through the Book of Numbers – the speaker explained that “Slow obedience is disobedience..”  I felt like the speaker was looking and speaking directly at me..God clearly speaking through her message – specifically to me that no matter how much I’m trying to avoid eye contact with Him – He sees me anyway and there is no where I can go that He won’t find me…that I need to stop laying low and start stepping up…

God revealed Himself to Moses through a burning bush…while I don’t get anything as cool…what I have been getting more and more of recently is God revealing to me things that He wants me to share…specific verses will come to me (and since I haven’t memorized very many I know they have to be from Him) that I strongly feel led to write down…and once my pen hits the paper…His words continue to flow out…and before I realize it half an hour – sometimes more will have gone by before I stop and realize that God has A LOT that He wants me to share…

God wants ME to share…not for me to write down and pass along to someone else to deliver…and I’ve been fighting  Him and going back and forth with Him – because like Moses I keep asking Him, “Who am I that you should send me?” The Enemy is quick to jump in and whisper “You are no body…you have nothing worth sharing…you’re just another cancer patient…nothing special…no one cares what you have to say…” And it brings to the forefront all the years of hurt and rejection from my younger years…when I was told I was not enough…that nothing I can do will ever be good enough because someone can say it better, write it be better, tell it better, explain it better…BE better than everything I am right now…The Enemy whispers, “What are you trying to prove? You think you’re so much better than everyone else..but you aren’t…”

And yet in the middle of the Enemy’s attacks – God STILL reminds me that I am worthy, loved and created for a purpose….on really bad days when I feel giving in to the lies..God grabs my attention and says: “Trust me – I have something in store for you!” I’m not forgotten and I cannot forget that God has always, always, always brought me through any challenge put before me.  God reminds me that the Enemy will throw anything and anyone in my path to derail me and get me to doubt myself to keep me from pushing forward and bringing Him glory….to keep me so distracted and wrapped up in drama that I lose sight of the greater plan than God wants me to carry out…so if the Enemy is trying THIS hard to keep me down…I have to take it as a sign that the Enemy is terrified and threatened of what God is trying to do through me…

God is calling me out of my comfort zone…where I am very happy to lay low and not draw attention to myself….and the thought of stepping out is not something I want to do…God is starting to reveal to me WHAT he wants me to do…but He hasn’t yet revealed the HOW I’m supposed to do it…and this is where I need to ask for your help…Will you pray with me and for me?

Father God, I am terrified of what you are asking of me…You are asking me to do something bigger than I believe I am capable of doing…Father God, why me? Why not someone else? Someone with more experience…someone better at this than me? Are you sure it’s me you want to send? Let someone else take this…because it seems impossible…yet you are the God of the Impossible…and if this is what you want..what you are really want…then I’ll do it…

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