There’s a Glow About Her…

Day 205, Tuesday, December 19, 2017

It’s been a month since my last post.  I needed to go radio silent after Thanksgiving.  Getting news that George was dead was definitely a huge blessing but also an opportunity for me to take some much needed time to just soak in everything that has happened in the last six months.  When you are in fight mode for months and months, its hard to just stop and relax because you feel like the other shoe is going to drop — like someone is going to call and say, “Just kidding! We got you good!”

Recovery doesn’t end when the cancer dies – there are still things that we will be dealing with well into the next year.  On top of that, the enemy attacks don’t stop just because you go into remission.  The nausea and the fatigue start to go away but they are replaced with the lingering weight gain from the steroids I had to take from while I was on chemo and the low esteem/low confidence that comes with it.  I’ve researched so many “detox” recipes but really the only thing that is going to get rid of the chemicals that were pumped into me is just time.  I’ve started to ease into a plant-based diet and be more conscious about the types of products I put on my skin.  The Enemy doesn’t let up and in fact, I think I’ve felt more under attack in the last few weeks than I did when I was in treatment.  I know that I should be more patient, but its annoying that my body is going to take months before my body bounces back.  I was hoping that the day after I officially went into remission, I would wake up and everything would be back to normal – but that’s just not how cancer works.

Yesterday, I had my first radiation appointment in Ontario.  They had to give me marking tattoos to make sure the radiation beam lines up perfectly and they don’t accidentally zap something besides the tumor.  There are six tattoos in total and they are smaller than the tip of a ballpoint pen – they honestly just look like little freckles.  For the next four weeks, I have to report to Kaiser in Ontario and get radiation therapy.  The Wildomar location has a shuttle that will drive me to and from the appointments but since the shuttle takes multiple patients, I would be sitting and waiting around for a few hours for everyone to finish before the shuttle could head back.  So, until the 2nd week in January, I’ll have to commute everyday from home to Ontario and sit in the lovely traffic there and back.

Today was my first official treatment day.  I joked with Tim this morning that I was going to come back home glowing in the dark or with some spidey-senses.  The actual radiation beaming doesn’t take very long – maybe 10 minutes total, but the appointments take longer because they have to constantly adjust and move my body under the radiation machine before they can turn the machine on.  I don’t feel anything really except for my arms getting tired since I have to hold on to two handles above my head during the treatment.  For the first week, I’ll need to have x-rays done every other day to make sure the markings still line up perfectly and after next week I’ll only need the x-ray done once a week.  When I got back to my car, I felt really exhausted but it could also be all the anxiety of not knowing what to expect was catching up to me.  The nurse suggested that I put aloe vera gel and calendula gel all over the areas that were treated to avoid any radiation burn.  So far, I’m just feeling really fatigued and my right shoulder feels a little warm and tender.  The radiology nurse suggested that I put aloe vera and calendula oil on the front of my chest and in the back in order to keep my skin from burning.

I wanted to give everyone a quick update since many of you have been asking why I’m not posting a new blog post every day.  If I could ask anything of you, right now it would be for prayers for my mindset.  The treatments have done a number to my body and my self-esteem and now that I’m coming out of the treatments, the Enemy is working very hard at making me feel frustrated and negative.